Dare to Dream My Struggle to Become a Mum A Story of Heartache and Hope by Izzy Judd Book Read Online And Epub File Download
Overview: Izzy Judd shares the story of her and her husband Harry's fertility journey in this honest and heartfelt memoir.
'All I ever wanted was to be a mum - I couldn't wait and it felt as though my time was so close. But the months started to tick by, with each one ending in disappointment and frustration. And then the inevitable panic started to set in ...'
Having been told by doctors that, due to Izzy's polycystic ovarian syndrome, they would have difficulty conceiving - and after two years of trying - Izzy and Harry turned to IVF.
Izzy's aim, drawing on her own experience, is to break through some of the taboos surrounding miscarriage, IVF and fertility issues. This brutally honest and deeply personal account will acknowledge the struggles that so many couples go through but will ultimately focus on the positive, life-changing and remarkable results that IVF can yield. One in seven couples in the UK have difficulty conceiving and although many babies are now born through IVF, there is still a sense of awkwardness around the subject.
Dare to Dream My Struggle to Become a Mum A Story of Heartache and Hope by Izzy Judd Book Read Online Chapter One
BY THE TIME Harry Judd proposed to me, we’d been together for just over six years. We first met in 2005, when I was playing the violin in the backing orchestra on McFly’s Wonderland tour. By the end of that tour he and I were a couple. When Harry asked me to marry him in the spring of 2012, I’d left the band I was a member of, an electric string quartet called Escala, and Harry had recently won Strictly Come Dancing.
The Strictly experience was magical for both of us. It was an intense but wonderful twelve weeks during which I saw him change and grow as a person. It wasn’t always easy – watching him dance so passionately and intimately with a professional dancer was difficult, and many of my friends couldn’t understand why I’d agreed that he should do it! But I understood there needed to be chemistry. I trusted Harry and he never gave me any reason to feel vulnerable. The admiration I had for him was huge – he put so much work into the competition. Each week, in just a few days, he had to learn things that the professionals had been doing for years, then find the courage to go out and perform to a TV audience of millions.
He and his partner, Aliona, won, as I knew they would. Harry is one of those infuriating people who is good at everything. He’s a gifted sportsman – particularly at cricket – as well as a musician, and learns new things quickly and easily. Plus, he has so much confidence and is a born performer. (I’m biased, of course.)
Straight after winning, Harry went on tour with Strictly until March and then, almost immediately, back on tour with McFly. Just before he left the second time, Harry told me he’d booked us a spa break in the UK for a weekend in May, so that we could spend some much needed time together, to rest and relax after a frantic few months.
The day before we were due to go, he confessed. ‘Actually, we’re not going on a spa weekend. We’re going to St Lucia. It was going to be a surprise but I’m telling you because I know you’ll want to get organized.’ He knows how much I like to plan and prepare for everything.
That afternoon, as I was walking down the High Road where we live, I thought, ‘Surely he’s going to pop the question? Why else would we be going to St Lucia?’ I felt incredibly excited. I loved Harry so much, and there had never been any doubt in my mind that he was the person I wanted to spend my life with. We were ready to settle down, get married and start a family.
By the time we arrived in St Lucia, we’d been travelling for nearly fifteen hours and were really tired. I thought it was unlikely that Harry would propose when we were both feeling so jet lagged, so that evening I didn’t make too much of an effort – I put on a very simple black dress, even though I’d brought lots of prettier ones, and I didn’t bother to wash my hair. While we were in our room I realized how hungry I was, so asked Harry if we could go for dinner. ‘Why don’t we dance?’ he said. That totally took me by surprise but I thought it was romantic too.
So there we were in the room, dancing – to what I don’t recall – and I remember thinking it was lovely, but also feeling really hungry and wanting to go for dinner. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door and a friendly young woman appeared. ‘My name’s Frances and I’ll be your waitress for the evening,’ she said, which struck me as a coincidence as my granny’s name is Frances.
Frances escorted us to the beach, where a table for two was laid, close to the water’s edge. ‘Don’t Worry Baby’ by the Beach Boys, a song both Harry and I love, was playing in the background. I’d say it was all of about ten seconds before Harry was down on one knee in the sand! I don’t think he could hold off any longer. ‘Will you marry me?’ he asked, and of course I said yes! We were meant to be together for the rest of our lives, and that was all I ever wanted for the two of us. I was just so happy. I even forgot to look at the ring, which he’d put so much thought into choosing.
We had a lovely meal, went back to our room, and Harry fell straight asleep. I think he was just relieved to have got the proposal over with! I spent the whole night awake, waiting for it to be morning in the UK so that I could ring family and friends to tell them. But it turned out that Harry had already told everybody before we’d left. There was absolutely no one I could surprise with the news – not my parents, his parents, nor any of our friends. He’d been just too excited to keep it to himself.
The next day I began writing lists. We planned to get married on 21 December later that year, at St Michael’s Manor in St Albans, close to where I grew up. We both thought a Christmas wedding would be magical and neither of us could see any reason to wait very long. We were ready to be Mr and Mrs Judd.
I did all the organizing and Harry did nothing, and that was fine. Planning has always been something I’ve enjoyed, right back to the days of school projects (I’m totally Monica from Friends). As a professional violinist, I’d played at endless weddings with the string quartets I’d been in over the years, so I’d had lots of opportunities to see different ways of doing things, and to think about what I wanted. I loved every minute of making the arrangements and took great pride in getting every detail right. The invitations, the flowers, the decorations, the place names, the music – every single thing was thought through carefully and chosen because we loved it and it meant something special to us.
One of the features I was inspired to recreate was a wishing tree – an idea I’d seen on Pinterest – where guests write their wishes for us on pieces of card and hang them on the branches of a small tree. Much later, during a very difficult time, I took those wishes out from under the stairs at home, where we’d stored them, and read them for the first time. Somehow, I’d never found the opportunity to do so until then, and they were a great comfort to me.
Right up to the last minute, I was coming up with new ideas and finding ways to incorporate them into our day. The night before the wedding we went out for a family meal, and a barbershop quartet were singing in the pub where we were. I asked them if they happened to be free the following day, which they were, and so they came and sang at the wedding reception. It was a risky thing to do, because I didn’t have time to ask Harry. Even though he didn’t do any of the planning, he liked to have everything run by him!
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